Denmark bans Marmite. UK bans Carlsberg… maybe?

Marmite: not good for your sex life

News reaches these shores this morning of Denmark’s decision to ban Marmite, a product whose most successful marketing campaign stems from telling customers they might actually hate it.

The decision seems to have come from the fact that, apparently, Marmite is actually too good for you. The Danes have decided that the product contains so many vitamins it’s actually dangerous and they’re worried that their citizens are wolfing down so much of the tricky tasting black paste that they won’t be able to think for themselves and stop.

This is a shame, as I’ve had quite a lot of fun with Marmite in the past. Not eating it, I must admit, as that’s just wrong, but in my misspent youth I spent some time trying to determine whether girls who liked a bit of yeast extract would also be more partial to a bit of the other than those who don’t.  I have to confess that, after many, many hours of exhaustive research, Marmite will have no discernible impact on your sex life.

Denmark has angered us Brits further by also banning Horlicks (I can sort of agree with that one) and Farleys Rusks (oh, come on, who doesn’t love a rusk?) and now a campaign on Twitter has begun to try and ban some of Denmark’s finest exports.  Namely bacon, Lego, and Carlsberg…

Sadly, this causes me a bit of a dilemma: I quite like bacon, and would be sad to see it go, but of those three that’s the easiest for me to remove from my life. I would miss the rashers my wife slips between two buttered slices of bread with my morning cuppa, but I’m sure I could replace it with something else. A sausage, perhaps.

But Lego is what keeps my children quiet when I’m trying to catch up on The Only Way Is Essex.

And Carlsberg. Well, in the lovely sunny weather we’ve been subjected to in East Anglia for some time now, Carlsberg has been making up more than 50% of my pub’s draught sales. I wouldn’t want to see it go.

Bacon therefore, is good. As are Lego and Carlsberg.

I can only conclude, then, that the Danish have got rid of Marmite for one reason: it’s yuck.

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